


Fix you.

by Rogue1987



Category: House M.D.
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Implied Relationships, Love Confessions, M/M, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-04-22
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rogue1987/pseuds/Rogue1987
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cuddy has left House and leaves a whirlwind of destruction behind. </p><p>Wilson tries to pick up the pieces but House refuses to let anybody help him.<br/>Chase decides to force himself on him in a much more subtle way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Merry Christmas House.

**Author's Note:**

> Please forgive the sometimes un- detailed writing guys, I'm not English and my English is good but sometimes I lack in details cause I simply don't know the right words. 
> 
> I hope the character development will be enough for you guys to like this story. 
> 
> This is total fiction and my mind has made it all up.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chase visits House on Christmas eve, and he brings him a very special present. 
> 
> And something else.

_Christmas eve._

 

 

 

''House! I know you're in there, open the damn door!'' Chase's voice came from the other side of the door and House rolled his eyes.

''There's nobody here Chase! I told you people to leave me the hell alone!'' House shouted back.

''Yeah well I'm not leaving until you let me in,'' Chase retorted stubbornly.

House resisted the urge to tell him to find a comfy spot on his doorstep, since it was freezing outside and the snow was falling down heavily.

Why was everybody always meddling in his business? House wondered why people worried over his sorry ass so much. He really wasn't worth the effort. Then again, everyone who worried clearly didn't have a personal life of their own so they intervened with his. 

House had been dumped before, and so what if he wasn't happy now, he didn't do _happy_ anyway. He was no man for a relationship and deep down he knew that he would _never_ tie himself to another woman again.

Yes Cuddy had left him for being- _well who he was_ -and yes it had sucked, but House had gotten so sick of everybody worrying over him, asking him if he was all right all the fucking time.

Wilson was the worst of course, he was _always_ the worst meddler at times like these.

Bugging him, calling him after hours.  
Knocking on his door, spying on him.

Forcing House to talk about his petty problems, his sad, little,broken heart.

Foreman didn't really care about him, not until House's break up affected his work and therefore himself.

Taub had been busy with his own stuff, sleeping around with his ex wife and some nurse in pediatrics, so he didn't bother to ask House if he was all right.  
Thirteen had left the team without telling anybody where she was going to and then there was Chase.

Well Chase-surprisngly- had left him alone and House had silently thanked him for that.  
For some reason however the _damn Aussie_ was now suddenly banging on his door. On Christmas eve.

He let him hammer on it for another five minutes-just to torture him- before rising to his feet and limping to the door to open it.  
''What are you doing here Chase? It's Christmas eve, don't you need to spend it with one or two of your hotties,'' House snapped as Chase appeared in the doorway with a small gift wrapped box under his arm.

''No dates today House, I came by to bring you something,'' Chase said with a smile and House let the soaking wet blond boy into his home.

''You actually brought me a present? Do you even know me at all?'' House moped sarcastically.

Chase walked into House's apartment and exhaled deeply as he put the box down on the table.  
''No tree huh, I guess I should have known,'' he noticed dryly. He sat down on the couch and folded his arms together.

''You _know_ me Chase, or at least I thought you did until you brought me a gift,'' House simply said and he sat down next to him.

''Do you have any towels or some dry clothes for me? I'm fucking freezing,'' Chase asked, ignoring House's previous insults.  

House felt a small panic form in his chest.

''Why I thought you were only here to drop your present off, didn't know you would be staying longer,''

''You're going to kick me out already? I stood in the damned snow for a very long time and I'm soaking wet thanks to you, the least you could to is hand me a towel or some dry clothes. I could get sick in this weather,'' Chase argued, as he shivered so hard that House heard his teeth clattering.  

House knew that Chase was right, he just didn't want to give in yet.

''Towels and clothes are in the closet in the bedroom, get them yourself,'' he snarled.

Chase scoffed. ''Wow are you this nice to all your guests? No wonder _nobody_ ever comes here besides Wilson,'' he joked and House rolled his eyes.

''I'm a _cripple_ , and besides you work for me so _you_ should do whatever I tell you, not the other way around,'' House ordered.

To his surprise Chase merely grinned and walked to the bedroom and took a pair of sweat pants and a warm long sleeved pajama top from the cabinet.  
He noticed the huge sneaker collection in the closet and his eye caught sight of a hidden bottle of Vicodin from the top pair's left shoe.

''What the hell is this?'' he demanded when he walked back to the living room with the jar of pills in his hand.

''Well that looks like a secret stash of medicine to me Doctor Chase, and don't you look adorable in my sweats'' House teased but Chase didn't find it funny. His blue eyes were steely and cold.

''Don't play games with me House, I thought you'd quit taking those, but I should have known that after your break up with Cuddy, you would start taking them again.  
You're very predictable about your drug habits you know,''

''And yet you obviously hadn't suspected anything about this, so I guess I'm not _that_ predictable,'' House fired back, smiling triumphantly.

Chase sighed deep and took two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and sat back down on the couch. He looked older and more annoyed than House had ever seen him in all their years of working together. It was an unnerving sight.

Chase had always been rather predictable, and yet sometimes, he suddenly lost all control and snapped. 

''Give me a Scotch,'' he ordered and House took a bottle from his end table and poured both of them a fair amount of it. He decided that today wasn't the day to stop enabling Chase. 

''So why are you here exactly, Chase?'' House prodded.

Chase knew that House was putting him under the microscope, it was what he did best. Right now Chase was an unsolvable puzzle that House was dying to restore until it made sense to him again. 

House read people better then anyone and he knew Chase very well, better then Chase liked to admit.

Lying to House had no use whatsoever so Chase decided to tell him the truth.

''Because I was worried about you all right? I know you haven't talked to anybody about Cuddy leaving you, not even to Wilson but I see how much you're suffering everyday. I just thought that you shouldn't be alone on Christmas eve, even though you always say you don't care about holidays,'' Chase said astutely.  

It was the truth, just not the whole truth.

He downed his whiskey in one big gulp and coughed loudly when he felt it burn a hole into his throat.

House frowned profoundly and eyed Chase critically. ''No that can't be the only reason, I think that you were just lonely yourself Chase. Maybe you were really worried about me, I'm not sure about that. But you were sad and lonely and you don't have any family left.  
So you came to me, hoping to fix me to distract you from your own miserable, pathetic life,''  

Chase knew that he was close to the truth with his analysis.

''That's almost true but not quite. There is still a bit missing,'' Chase sighed and he poured another glass of Scotch but House snatched it from his hand.

''Not so fast, I don't want you passing out on my couch.  
You're sleeping in your own house tonight, not mine,'' House snapped and Chase rolled his eyes.

''You're not my dad House, I can drink whenever I wanna drink,'' Chase said and he stole the glass of liquor back and downed it in another huge sip, spilling some on his chin in the process. Feeling embarrassed, he quickly wiped it off with his sleeve. 

''So keep talking, what is the whole story _Skippy?''_ House teased, looking rather amused and slightly curious now.

''Nah I'm not telling you that, not until you unwrap your present,''

''Fine if that will make you happy. But it better be a Pony, it was on the top of my wish list!'' House grinned and he grabbed the box from the table and tore the red and green paper off it.

Inside of it was a book-a very special one- the book House thought he had lost to Cuddy when they had split up.  
He had left it lingering in her house and was too afraid to ask it back.

He avoided her as much as he could.

It was his favorite medical journal and House was completely baffled by Chase's present.  
''Where the hell did you get this?'' he asked and Chase smiled when he saw the look of amazement on his boss' face.

''Just asked Cuddy to give it to me so that I could hand it back to you.  
I know how much you miss it, you used to bring it to work all the time and you hadn't brought it for a while, so I figured she must have had it at her home. Seeing how you were too busy avoiding her to ask it back, I did it for you,'' Chase smiled.

House sighed heavily and let his fingers slide over the cover. ''Why?'' he asked with a shocked look on his face and Chase raised his eyebrows.  
_''Why what?''_

''Why did you do that for me? You could have just bugged me about the break up, could have tried to convince me to talk about my feelings and all that shit, but instead you do the one thing for me that I actually _needed._ You bring my favorite book back to me, because you know how attached I am to my own stuff.  
So why did you do that Chase? What's your motive?'' House asked. He sounded curiously but he actually looked quite terrified of Chase's reply.

''I'm not sure you wanna know why, in fact I _know_ that you don't wanna know that answer to that question.  
So don't ask me that House, and I don't have any motives,'' he added and he took another sip of his Scotch and watched House do the same.

''Tell me Chase, I have a right to know what you're hiding from me,'' House urged and he slid closer next to Chase but the younger man just shook his head.  
''Nope, I think I will just sit here, drink my Scotch and kill you with curiousness,''

House decided to let it rest for the moment and after a while of Chase's stubborn silence he put the TV on and watched it in silence until Chase started to get sleepy.  
He yawned a few times and felt his eyes close automatically.

''Wake up Chase!'' House snapped and Chase opened his blue eyes lazily.

''What is it?'' he moped and he noticed that his head was against House's shoulder and that the older man had his arm wrapped around him, his own arm was lying over House's abdomen.

''You fell asleep,''  
''Yeah I noticed that, anything else?'' Chase asked dryly and House swallowed hard, not able to find any words.

''Didn't peck you for a snuggler by the way,'' Chase pointed out and House immediately pulled his arm back and sat up straight.

''I'm not, I just wanted to say thanks for the book I guess,'' House said looking nervous and kind of pale.

''You're welcome, I knew you needed it, what time is it?'' Chase asked and House looked at his clock.  
''Two in the morning,''

''Jesus why didn't you wake me sooner, thought you would've sent me home hours ago,''

''You can crash on my couch, I'm going to bed now,'' House said and he got up, grabbed his cane and tried to limp off.

''Wait, don't you wanna know my little secret anymore?'' Chase suddenly said and House stopped instantly and turned around and limped back to sit down next to Chase.

''Of course I do, I always love secrets,''  
''Not so sure you will like this one House,'' Chase noticed and he saw House swallow hard.

''Tell me anyway,'' House demanded.

Chase turned to face him, looking pale and shaky. ''I have feelings for you,''

His words left a shocked silence behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. A House divided.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House deals with Chase's confession the only way he knows how to. 
> 
> Or does he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this chapter can be a little sad from time to time so beware of that.

_Christmas eve._

 

 

 

Chase literally watched House fall apart in front of his very eyes.

He knew that he dropped a huge bomb on his boss but he would never have expected House to fall silent afterward.

Anger-sure. Heavy sarcasm-check.  
_Mockery-definitely._

But not the silent treatment.

Chase had _not_ been ready for that.  
He could see House's huge blue eyes trying to pierce through his own so intense that he could almost swear he heard him thinking.

''House, you can't just go silent after I said something like that,'' Chase pointed out, after the longest and most dreadful minutes of his life.  
His heart was pounding in his ears and he felt empty and stupid like a child.

Why did he had to open his big mouth? He should have just kept quiet about all of this. No good would come of this confession. It would only ruin everything he had ever built between the two of them. 

 _''Get out,''_ House said when he finally spoke again and his voice was cold as ice.  
Chase felt his heart ache but refused to go anywhere, not until they properly talked about this.

''No, I'm not going anywhere, not unless you talk to me,'' Chase said and he sat back against the pillows of the couch and closed his eyes defiantly. He knew it was a risk to play this card, but he felt like House left him no choice. 

He was trying to act casual, nonchalant and he knew exactly how much House hated that approach.

 **''Get the fuck out of my apartment!!** Go now or I'll fire you!'' House screamed.

He got up from the sofa and pointed to the door with his cane. As if that would impress Chase. 

''Yeah right, like I haven't heard that one before. You won't fire me again House, you'll miss me way too much when you do. Besides, I'm the last person left on the team who actually gives a damn about you,'' Chase noted.

House felt the blood rising to his cheeks. ''I won't miss you, I don't even like you, I never have. And I don't care if Foreman or Taub like me or not. I pay them do to their job, not to get along with me.  _Now get out!'''_

''No, just relax House, sit down and talk to me. No sarcasm, no funny remarks, just a normal, adult conversation.  
You can't ignore what I said, so we need to talk, please sit down,'' Chase begged and House to his own surprise, obeyed.

He took the bottle of Scotch back from the end table and poured them two more glasses, knowing that they would need that more than ever.  
Chase was already pretty drunk as it was, but House truly needed another big drink.

He hands a glass to Chase who takes it with a _''cheers''_ and a big grin but House rolled his eyes.  
''You probably won a bet with Foreman didn't you? Or with Taub?'' he attacked.

Chase stared at him with confusion riddled over his beautiful face.

''What the hell are you talking about?'' he asked and House sighed.

''This whole confession thing, its a joke right? A way for you to earn a few extra bucks around Christmas,'' House asked, hopeful that Chase would say yes to that. For if he does, he would be off the hook. 

''Nope sorry, no bets. Besides, I'm quite the saver so I have don't need to make bets to earn more cash.  
What I told you was the plain truth,'' Chase said and he took a few small sips from his drink, closing his eyes when he felt them go straight to his head.  
It made him quite dizzy. He really ought to stop drinking before he did anything more stupid than he had already done. 

''Well sorry to disappoint you Chase but I'm not into dudes, and even if I was I would do Wilson long before I would do you,'' House said half joking, half telling him the truth.

Of course he had thought about dating Wilson sometimes, just because he knew him so well and it would be convenient for him.

But House just didn't want to be tied to anybody ever again, not after what had happened with Cuddy.  
Especially not to Chase, even though he was very attractive and actually quite the smart one.

Chase was way too young for him, too much of a suck up, House wondered sometimes if he had ever even liked Chase at all.

Chase felt an iron fist clench itself around his lungs and he breathed in and out a few times before replying to House's Wilson comment.  
He was disappointed that he had said this, but it shouldn't be a surprise to Chase.

_But yet somehow-it was._

''I know you don't like guys, and I know you're terrified of commitment, and I understand why.  
Wilson told me Cuddy dumped you for being yourself,'' Chase blurted out and House's face fell. His eyes felt damp.

It was the booze, House told himself, its definitely the booze.  
It told him that Chase won't remember this conversation tomorrow morning anyway so he decided to spill his guts.

''Well Cuddy told me in the start of our relationship that she knew I was broken and damaged and that she didn't want me to change who I was.  
But then in the end she dumped me for not being there for her and taking Vicodin. She said she loved me, but she was lying.  
_Everybody lies Chase._ She could not let me be myself,'' House sighed and he took a sip of his drink and leaned his head back on the warm pillows.

''I would let you be yourself, I know what you need House,''

''No you don't, you don't even know what you need for yourself.  
And you blame me, for ruining your marriage with Cameron,'' House concluded.

Chase's lip twitched up into a wry smile. ''You really think that? House you _are_ to blame for why we broke up, but not in the way you think. We were both in love with you, you  _dumb idiot._ Not just her, me as well! Why do you think I wanted to stick on your team, I chose _you_ instead of her!''

House went silent after that and Chase wondered what was going on in that ever complicated head.  
''You chose your job Chase, not me,''

''You _are_ the biggest part of my job, I chose you because I didn't want to leave you.  
Don't try to rationalize this, my feelings for you are real. And I hate that I have them-trust me I do. I would not have picked you if it were up to me, but somehow fate brought me to you and I want to be with you. Is that really that strange?'' Chase pleaded and House nodded.

''Yes it is! And there is no such thing as fate, you naive idiot!  
And besides: I'm almost half your age, I'm a cripple and I hate everything about being alive. The only reason why you would think that you want me is because you want to fix me, just like Cameron wanted to fix me. She only liked me because I was broken, a cripple. Maybe thats why you like me too,'' House suggested.

Chase felt a lonely, furious tear escape his eye.

And when that first tear broke loose from his eye the dam opened and Chase placed his head in his arms and started to cry.  
He almost screamed from all the pain he felt, the sheer rejection. The pathetic fact that he hated it to love House.

House just sat there beside him, unable to react like a human being as usual.

''I'm getting you some water,'' he stated and he got up and limped to his kitchen.

He came back and brought Chase a glass of cold water which he downed in one long sip.

''Can I have some more,'' he begged, his throat dry and aching.

House reluctantly refilled his glass without any complaints of having to make a second detour to the kitchen. Chase felt grateful for that.

He sat back down next to Chase and wrapped an arm around his shoulder.  
Chase instantly placed his head against House's shoulder and hiccupped a few times.

Then he folded his arm around House's waist and felt the older man lean back into the cushions as he allows Chase to hold onto him for dear life.

''This is fucked up Chase, _really_ fucked up,'' House sighed after a few minutes of thick and heavy silence.

''Don't you think I know that? How do you think I feel about all this? I know you don't want a relationship and definitely not one with me, but I'm in love with you regardless, I don't want to be, but I am,'' Chase blurted the ''L'' word out a little too quickly for his own liking and he felt House freeze up, his body tensed, his senses heightened.

''Wait-you're in love with me? Like _love-love?!''_ House panted. He started to feel desperate and nauseous. This could not be happening, this wasn't real. And somehow it was. 

Chase looked up and his sky-blue eyes found House's and he nodded miserably. ''I am-unfortunately. I wish I wasn't in love with you, trust me. I've been saying it to myself for about eight years, that my feelings are just an imagination. And while my head actually believes it, just my heart tells me that it's complete and utter crap.  
You've always told me that following your heart is easy, and following your brain is tough, but you've got it completely reversed.  
Following your heart isn't easy at all. Look I know Cuddy hurt you a lot, and so did Stacy and I know you don't believe in love or relationships at all.  
With good reason too, I might add. But I'm not like them House, I'm a guy. Most women expect their man to change to whatever they want them to be. But I'm a man and I think you're perfect just the way you are.  
You are broken, but you're not _unfixable_ House.  
I could help you pick up the pieces, if you would only let me and trust me enough to do that,''  

House looked at him with a mixture of pity and disbelief.

''And why do you think that you know what I need Chase?''

''I brought your book back didn't I? I know you better then anybody else does, probably even better then Wilson knows you,''

House thought about that for a while.  
Chase had a point, he had brought his most beloved book back.

It was the one thing he actually needed back in his life, in order for everything to return to normal.  
House needed his own stuff, his own apartment and his old habits in order to overcome something as hard as a break up.

But Chase would _never_ stay with him, if he would let him into his personal life he would leave eventually.  
Everybody always left him anyway, well everybody except for Wilson.

Chase was way too attractive for him anyway, he should be with some hot girl, not an addicted, cripple old narcissist like him.

Chase might say now that he didn't need House to change, and that he cared for him and would stay with him, but House knew better then anyone that everybody lied.  
And he didn't _want_ any relationships.

Not with Chase, not with anybody.  
House was way better off alone.

 _Relationships were overrated_.

''I don't want any relationships Chase, not with you, not with anyone else. You deserve much better then me anyway, you should be with some young, hot girl-or boy if you're going bi- but not with me. You can do much better,'' House said and to his surprise Chase starts laughing.

''I completely agree with you there, I do deserve better than you,'' he said and now it was House's turn to feel slightly hurt and insecure. 

''But I don't _want_ anyone else, I want to be with your screwed up- _Vicodin popping_ -sarcastic, but brilliant personality anyway.  
Look you don't have to start something with me right away since I know you need time to get over Cuddy. But you could let me help you, by talking to me, by letting me into your head. Just open up to me a little,'' Chase argued.

House felt an immense amount of air escaping his lungs, and deep down he was a little relieved that Chase didn't want to run away from him toward a younger and more attractive girl-or boy.

Chase took his hand and House was tempted to lean in and hug the beautiful boy, because damn, was he gorgeous.  
But then he remembered who he was and that this was not what he wanted.

It would destroy both of them, love and happiness were nothing but distractions.  
Nothing but an invitation to get hurt.

He stroked his hand through Chase's blond hair and held him anyway, he wasn't exactly sure why, but his body moved as if it had a mind of his own.

Perhaps he did it because in that moment, Chase was the only person who hadn't abandoned him over all these past years. He had fired Chase, but Chase had never actually walked out on him voluntarily. He had always stayed loyal to him.

Not even Wilson could say the same for he had screwed House during the whole Tritter fiasco.  

Chase's arms came around his waist instantly and held House as tight as he could.

He placed his head against House's shoulder and cried some more.

House felt the blond boy's tears wet his shirt but he didn't pull him off, even though he knew he should do that.  
He was too close to Chase now.

It made him feel itchy and highly uncomfortable.

Chase lifted his head up and looked House straight into his clear blue eyes.  
And when their eyes locked it sent a feeling down House's spine that terrified him to his very core.

It was like he was struck by lightning.

He wanted to grab Chase and kiss him senseless, suddenly all of his body seemed to whisper that to him.  
Only House's head won the battle like it always did and he broke the eye contact and looked away. Evading the Aussie's desperate, begging gazes. 

''I'm going to bed Chase, I can't do this, I'm sorry,'' he apologized without thinking about it and realized with a shock that he had never actually said _''I'm sorry''_ to Chase before. Not ever.

Not even when he had punched him out one time, or when he had destroyed his marriage.  
House didn't do apologies, not to Chase, not to Wilson, not to anybody.

But now everything had changed, now he suddenly  felt responsible for how Chase was feeling.  
Probably because he had turned him down, he rationalized.

''House, please don't leave me here like this.  
Can't you just sleep next to me on this couch,'' Chase begged and House saw more tears glistening in the boy's eyes.

Damn him and his begging, what person in their right mind would be able to resist a begging Chase?

''No I can't do all this Chase, I'm sorry,''

''You don't mean that, it's just your fear talking. I don't wanna seduce you or anything like that, I just want to sleep in your arms.  
Please just give me that, just that small favor,'' Chase pleaded and House felt his heart sink into his shoes.

He was the lowest person alive, he thought grimly.

And he didn't agree that Chase's request to be cuddled was a _''small favor''_ at all, in fact snuggling up to Chase was the most terrifying thought he had had that year.  
But this was not like him, he didn't cuddle up to dudes, and definitely not to those who were in love with his sorry ass.

He couldn't allow himself to get any closer to Chase, the distance was his ally.  
He needed to be strong, he had to tell that Aussie to get the hell out of his house and he really ought to fire his pathetic ass.

But when he looked back at Chase and saw him stretch out his hand into the air and heard him mumble, _''please House,''_ his resistance broke.

He sat down besides Chase and allowed him to cuddle up to him, he wasn't sure why he folded, he just persisted to ensure himself that it was the booze talking.  
He pulled the blanket over both of them and Chase put his head on his chest and he saw him close his blue eyes with a small, content smirk.

''Happy now, _you little attention whore,''_ House mocked and Chase grinned a little.  
''Not really but feeling a bit better, I might throw up on you tomorrow morning by the way,'' he warned and House groaned furiously.

''Do that and you're fired,''

''Thanks House, for letting me do this,'' Chase said. He opened his eyes once again and stared House down before placing a small and soft kiss on the older man's cheek.

House felt slightly starstruck again and resisted the urge to kick Chase out of his house and to run for a far away country, _Mexico sounded nice in his head_.

''Yeah you're welcome, go to sleep now Chase,'' he said, hoping the boy for once would do what he was told.  
''Okay night night,'' Chase yawned and he dozed off to sleep within seconds.

House however won't find any sleep at all.  
He spend the night pondering over the sleeping boy in his arms.

Chase had his arms wrapped around House's waist tightly, possessive and his mouth was open while he snored a bit every once in a while.  
He looked so damn adorable and House resisted the urge to run his hand through Chase's hair. It smelled so alluring, so seductive that he feared he would fall into the trap no matter what he did. 

House was trapped in a giant war with himself the _entire_ night.

One side of him swearing that people sucked and that Chase would only leave him if he let him come closer, the other one telling him that if he would never take any risks that he would be alone forever.

But would that really be so bad? _Being alone forever?_  
House had not much people around him anyway, he was really good at being alone.

But he also knew that he didn't always like it.

When he was in therapy he had spoken with his shrink while they conversed about trusting people a little more.  
He often tried to convince House to let people come a little closer and argued that it was safe to let them over his wall from time to time.

So he had listened to him and started a little thing with Lydia when he was in Mayfield, but of course like everybody before her: she had left him.

She was married and was moving away from him, following her family to the other side of America.  
He couldn't blame her for that, but he did blame _himself_ for falling into that bear trap again.

For letting his defenses fall away and for letting her get so close that she could hurt him by leaving.

House groaned when he felt the pain in his leg get severely worse and he swore when he realized that his bottle of Vicodin was on the table and well out of his reach.  
_Just wake him up idiot,_ he told himself.

Who gives a fuck if you wake Chase up, you need the pills.  
But when he looked at the _gorgeous_  blond man he couldn't do it.

So he gritted his teeth and started panting as he carefully massaged his hand over his leg, but in his effort he woke Chase from his slumber.

''Hm what is it?'' Chase asked, he sounded drunk and sleepy.  
''Nothing, go back to sleep,''

''Its your leg isn't it, why didn't you take your pills?'' Chase asked sternly. He looked utterly confused and he took the bottle from the table and handed it to House who desperately ripped the cap off and placed three in his mouth, swallowing them in one go.

''I didn't want to wake you up,'' he admitted, even though he isn't sure why he said that.  
**''You idiot!!''** Chase exasperated.  

House looked up amused. ''Am I now?''

''Yes you are, suffering through your pain to avoid waking me up is idiotic!  
Why did you do it?'' he asked bitterly.

But then a realization washed over his face and he smiled a little.

''This your way of saying that you like me too House?'' 

''No this is my way of showing you that I do have a good bone in my rotten and evil body,'' House chipped sarcastically.

Chase knew that it was bullshit. ''It's okay I won't tell anyone about this, and I know you have many good bones in your body,''

''Good, now shut up and go back to sleep,'' House ordered and Chase put his head back to House's chest and fell asleep easily.

House stayed wide awake though, feeling more haunted than ever.  
Chase started twisting around and he stretched his hand out into the air a couple of times, mumbling words House couldn't understand.

So he took Chase's hand into his and entwined their fingers together.

It worked somehow. Chase calmed immediately and succumbed into a deep, dreamless sleep.  
House placed his head into the pillows, and ruffled his hand through Chase's impossibly soft hair. Fuck, how did he let himself fall so easily?

The last thing he remembered was the smile on Chase's face before the darkness captured him.

A sharp sound woke the both of them up.  
House's phone was going off and Chase sat up looking pale, tired and extremely hungover.

Chase looked at House and smiled briefly before getting up to hand House his phone.  
He nodded in acknowledgement and answered.

It was Wilson, of course it was.Who else would call him on Christmas morning.

''Hello Jimmy, coming to check on me if I haven't killed myself on Christmas?'' he stated, before Wilson could even say good morning.

''No I was just calling to invite you over for breakfast at my place, I know you're alone and all,'' Wilson offered but House could hear the hesitation in his voice.

''No thanks, I have company so I'm not lonely,'' he grinned and Chase turned a little crimson and hoped that House won't tell Wilson about him being there.

He was experiencing the worst hangover in his life, but he did remember everything that he had told House last night.

But even more important: he could tell House remembered it too, and he knew he took his hand voluntarily last night.  
It had made Chase feel safe and blissful.

''Oh nice, you've hired a _hooker_ to spend Christmas eve with you?!'' House could hear the tone of discontent and mockery behind Wilson's voice.

''Well, not exactly, but anyways I gotta go, you don't have to worry about me Wilson, I'm fine,'' House said and he hung up.

''Well I have to say that I feel pretty flattered that you didn't call me a hooker,'' Chase smiled as he got up to make them some coffee, his head heavy and throbbing at each step he took.

''Nah you're way too pretty to be a cheap hooker, a high class escort maybe, but definitely no cheap hooker,'' House joked. He laid back against the pillows and massaged his leg.

The pain was always the most unbearable in the mornings and today was no different.

Chase made them some much needed coffee, poured it into two mugs and sat down beside House while handing him his cup.  
''Thanks,'' House said, feeling shakily since the pain was so intense it made him want to give up and die.

''Here let me,'' Chase offered and he put his warm hands onto the fabric of House's sweats and gently started massaging his leg.

House first instinct was to protest but the feeling was so good that he didn't even want to imagine that Chase would ever stops doing this.

The pain instantly faded away and he remembered that Chase took a class in massage and that people always told him that he has healing hands.

 _Those people weren't lying_ , he thought blissfully.  
Because man Chase is so good at massaging his leg.

Chase's skillful hands carefully work the painful thigh muscles and House felt so good he closed his eyes for a while.

''Feel a bit better?'' Chase asked tentatively, thankfully not stopping his work.

''Loads, jesus you've been holding out on me. If you keep massaging my leg like that I won't ever need another Vicodin.  
I would pay you to go on actually,'' he grinned and Chase smiled, looking proud and kind of smug.

''You would never have to pay me for this, I would always do this for you if you want me to,'' Chase admitted.

House looked up shocked.

What the hell was going on here?

His leg was one of the things he had always been genuinely embarrassed about.

He never let people touch it, not even Cuddy and she had kissed his hideous scar once.  
When she had done that he had never felt smaller in his life.

He cringed whenever people he knew came too close and wanted to help him with the pain, but he had let Chase in without even a small amount of doubt.  
Without using his head.

And then realization hit House, and it hit hard.  
He was in love with Chase.

Chase, the Aussie who took care of him, who loved him just the way he was and House somehow loved him back.

''Why would you do this for me Chase?'' House asked, already knowing the answer.

''Because I care for you, and I know you don't have a clue to what real emotion is all about, but it looks a little like this. Doing things for the people you care for, loving them with all your heart, no matter what. It's hard to find people who will love you no matter what House.  
_But you've got me._  
And I'm never going anywhere, I've never left you behind before have I?'' he asked.

House shook his head before Chase continued talking.

''No you fired me, because you were scared, I came too close to you. But I came back, I worked for you again and I've never left you since. Nor will I _ever_ leave you voluntarily. Because you're the best man I know. Yes you're broken, and not easily fixable, but I believe in you House. And I need you to believe in me, to trust me even when you're scared to. Yes it's not perfect, this thing we have.  
But it's real and it can be whatever you want it to be. I know you want this to make sense more than anything. But sometimes things just don't make sense and you can't always rationalize everything.  
I don't know _why_ I'm in love with you, I just know that I do,'' Chase said.

House felt a few tears well up in his eyes.

Chase's words had been so honest, so sincere and pure and House knew that they were true.  
And then he did something he would have never imagined himself doing in a million years.

He leaned in and pulled Chase close against his body.  
Chase sighed relieved and buried his head in House's neck. His lips brushed over the stubble and House shivered heavily. 

When he pressed a kiss to his neck House couldn't take it anymore and he veered up, looked Chase deep into his eyes and closed the distance between them, kissing his lips hard.

It was not a perfect kiss, in fact it was sloppy, wet and hungrily but House would take it.

It was the best kiss he has ever had. Kissing a man was very different from kissing a woman. Cuddy's lips had been soft and careful, Chase's were intense, pliant and rough. 

He felt Chase's arms come around him, his hand cupping his cheek and he moaned a little when he twirled his fingers through Chase's blond hair.

Chase deepened the kiss eagerly and House felt new waves of pleasure going through his body as their tongues collided. He heard Chase groan a little and he sighed into his mouth.

Chase felt like he was on top of the world, he never would have dreamed about House kissing him voluntarily and the intensity of the kiss was high enough to make him tear up again.

He never wanted to let him go again.  
House had no clue as to what would happen to them now.

But he will take it anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please review guys.


	3. Everybody dies.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House has been avoiding Chase for a month now after their kiss and now Wilson gets in the way with some pretty awful news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: huge drama overload on this one.

_January 3th._

 

 

_''House, I have cancer,''_

Four little words that turn House's life upside down.  
Hearing Wilson say these words out loud is nearly too much for him to bear.

It had been a month since Chase kissed him on Christmas morning and he had wisely avoided the relentless Aussie ever since.

Chase tried to track him down, tried to talk to him after work, called him constantly but House just kept ignoring him.  
He wasn't really sure why he did it, he just told himself that he was better off without any relationships.

And now his best friend had cancer, his friend-the oncologist- had fucking cancer.  
House almost wanted to make an inappropriate joke about it but he just stared at Wilson, feeling numb and terrified.

''What kind of cancer?'' he forced himself to asks.

Wilson sighed deep. ''Pancreatic, it's stage _four_ House,''

''Oh so you're telling me that you're dying on me,'' House gasped, feeling light headed and nauseous.  
Wilson moved forward and placed his hand on House's shoulder.

They were in his office and House could tell he had cries since his honey colored eyes were red and puffy.

He looked at all the worthless pieces of crap that were filling Wilson's cabinets, all gifts from former patients.

From people that Wilson had saved, and some from people who had died on him.  
And now Wilson was going to die on House and there wasn't _anything_  they could do about it.

''You can't be dying on me, _I won't allow it._ What's the treatment plan?'' House asked ripping his arm free from Wilson's sweaty grasp.

''There isn't one House, you _know_ this. You're a doctor, there is no treatment for stage four pancreatic cancer.  
You know it and I know it. Look I know that this is going to destroy you all right, but this is about me House. And I can't help feeling so lost and terrified House. _  
_I don't wanna die. I can't die on you- _you need me._ My patients need me. But I am dying House and I worry for you when I'm gone,'' Wilson said.

He took House's hand into his own and House saw the tears form in his brown eyes.

''I need you to fight this Wilson, get yourself onto Chemo, do something about it!'' House spat out feeling furious and powerless at the same time.  
''Don't you think I've already _had_ Chemo? I'm not an idiot House,''

''You've had Chemo and didn't tell me about any of this?  _Why?''_  

He took the bottle of Vicodin from his jeans and popped three pills at once.

Wilson gave him a disapproving glare but said nothing about his drug use for once.  
''I couldn't tell you House, just like you've been hiding stuff from me too,'' Wilson deadpanned.

''What the hell are you talking about?'' he frowned.

''About Chase, I'm talking about you and Chase,''  
House's heart rate picked up speed and he swallowed thickly.

''What about Chase?'' he asked casually but Wilson never believed his lies.  
''Don't lie to me House, he told me what happened on Christmas,''

House felt his cheeks flush and he started shaking violently.  
''He told you???? That little rat, I'm just going to fire his _Australian ass_ right now!!'' House screamed and just when he wanted to storm out of Wilson's office, Wilson grabbed his arms and shoved him back down onto a chair.

''Relax he hasn't told me anything. I guessed it, I've seen the way you look at each other lately and I saw him leaving your house at Christmas day.  
So I figured there was something going on and I tried a little technique that one of my closest friends has taught me: _lie,''_ Wilson said, looking kind of smug.

''It's like I don't even know you anymore Wilson! First you lie to me about being sick, then you lie to me about dying on me, and then you set me and Chase up like this,'' House bellowed and Wilson immediately shrank under his harsh words.

''Look I'm sorry I didn't tell you about any of this okay, I am. I've tried three rounds of Chemo and it hasn't worked out. I have probably three more months to live and I don't wanna spend them alone. So I need you to tell me that you love me and that you will be here the whole time,'' Wilson said.

House sighed heavily and popped another pill.

''You can't play me like this Wilson, I hate it. You know what I said to Chase on Christmas eve?'' he suddenly asked and Wilson looked up curiously.

''No what?''

''He told me he was in love with me and after mocking him I told him that I would rather date you then I would date him.  
Because you and I would make sense Jimmy. More sense then me and Chase will ever do. I just always figured that it would be you and me in the end you know. Sitting in a geriatric home together, bitching about the remote. Not that we would ever be an actual romantic  _couple_ or something like that.  
But you know,'' House smiled sadly and Wilson did know.

''I do know, but we _are_ a couple House, in every way but one. I mean we lived together for a long time, we've known each other for twenty years and never left each other for good. We've put up with each other's crap forever and we always come back.  
But you don't need me in that way House, you never did. Chase _does_ need you in that way.  
But you're too scared to act on it, you've been avoiding him for weeks now haven't you?'' Wilson quipped.

And House- _a devoted student to the art of lying_ \- finds himself speaking up honestly about his feelings for the first time in god knows how long.

''Yes I have,''  
''Why House?''

''I can't be with him Wilson, I just can't. He deserves more then a pill-popping bastard with a god complex. Chase deserves something real, something pure and not broken. He can't fix me, and I don't have the energy to put him back together after his abusive past,''

Wilson just nodded, encouraging him to go on.

''I ruined his marriage with Cameron, I fired him, I mocked him thousands of times. I don't deserve him, I never did.  
And I'm not sure if I ever really wanted him anyway not in that way,'' House admitted.  

Wilson just grinned and poured the both of them a Scotch from his cabinet.

''Here drink this, you'll feel a little better,'' he promised and House accepted the drink and downed it instantly.  
''I doubt it,'' he said, referring to Wilson's cancer.

Wilson exhaled heavily. ''Here is the deal House: Chase _knows_ all off these things.  
He has worked for you the longest, he knows you almost as well as I do. Chase knows every bit about you and he still wants you. _Broken or not._  
That has got to count for something right?''

''Yeah I guess,'' House conceded reluctantly, and he poured himself another Scotch, slowly taking a few sips this time.

''So grow up and just go after what _you want_ for once.  
You will need him-after I'm gone- I mean,'' Wilson swallowed. 

House ignored the tears that were stinging behind his eyes. 

Hearing Wilson talk about him being gone was almost unbearable and he felt like hugging his best friend but that was not his style.  
_He can't be that guy, he has never been that guy._

The guy who was actually nice to his friends, who apologized when he screwed up and who supported them no matter what.

House was a damned leech, a blood sucking tick on Wilson's life.  
He had only ever profited from his weaknesses and his need to enable him in everything.

House had preyed on Wilson's mellow character forever and he hated himself for it-just a little now that he was dying- but he also thought that it was Wilson's own fault.

He could have been stronger, could have said no to House from time to time.  
_But that was just not who Wilson was._

Wilson was the guy who had sacrificed everything for House.  
House had been the guy who had taken everything from Wilson and more. He had taken him for granted. 

And now his enabler was dying on him.  
House would be alone after his death, since Chase would probably go back home-back to Australia-and leave him to rot in Jersey.

Why would he stay with him?

Nobody had ever stayed in his life no matter what.  
Only Wilson had.

And he wouldn't be there anymore.

''I don't need Chase Wilson, but I do need you,'' House told him as he wiped a lonely tear from his eye when Wilson turned around.

''No you don't, you will be fine without me. You will be lonely for sure- _I hope_ -but you will move on.  
And when you do he needs to be there, cause he _loves_ you House,'' Wilson said sternly.  

This time, House couldn't elude the flood of tears that were streaming down his cheeks.

''He will leave me, that's the only thing everybody always does. They leave, only you never did, but everyone else left me behind. I'm nothing Wilson.  
_I'm dust in the wind._ And when you're gone, there will be nothing left. It's just not fair you know. That you are the one that is dying I mean. When Amber died I saw her on the bus,'' House said and Wilson choked up immediately.  

House held onto his hand to continue his story.  
He knew that it was important now, _everything was_.

House owed Wilson everything, his life, his leg, his friendship, his love. 

''I told her that it wasn't fair that she was the one that was dying instead of me. Young people that were in love should not just die like that. Old miserable cripples like me should be the ones to go.  
And do you know what she told me?'' he asked and Wilson shook his head, tears flowing freely.

''She said: _well you can't always get what you want._ And then she told me to get off the bus. I told her I didn't want to because all the pain didn't hurt up there. And I didn't want you to hate me for what I did. Then she told me that I had to get off the bus, so I did. But I didn't want to leave her behind, the guilt was tearing me apart.  
And now you're the one that is dying on me, just like she was.  _It's just not fucking fair Wilson!!_  
If anyone should go it should have been me!! Not you, never you!  
You're a good person, a great doctor and an even better friend. You deserve to live, I don't.  
How can some idiots still believe in god and the universe when it fucks me like this every time!! There is _nothing_ after this Wilson, god doesn't exist, this is all just random.  
Because if there is a higher creature calling the shots somewhere up there, he is cruel beyond recognition. He should take _me_ not you!! I would not mind to go in your place Wilson.  
In fact I long for death a lot, I wish it would just get his lazy ass down here and take me. But no he doesn't do that. He just likes to make me suffer and decides to take my best friend.  
The one person that can keep me sane and going in this damned world.  
I'm so tired, I just wish I could trade places with you, can't I do that?'' House wailed and the tears rolled down his cheeks and Wilson hugged him tight.

They don't hug usually.  
In fact House can't even recall the last time he had ever hugged Wilson.

But he needed a hug now, he was not exactly sure why.  
He blamed Chase for it.

Chase had made him all soft and weak.   
God how he misses him.

Things had been so awkward between them and Chase had not taken House's _''ignorance is bliss''_ techniques lightly but still House missed everything about Chase, his smell, his lips onto his.

His perfect hair, the way he smiled, his hotter than hell accent.

''House I need you to listen to me okay, and listen closely because this is really important,'' Wilson demanded and House pressed his head even deeper into Wilson's shoulder and grumbled slightly.  

He pulled himself back from his thoughts and turned his attention back to Wilson, because this was not about Chase. 

It was about Wilson. 

''Look I know this is all crap all right. And I'm so sorry I haven't told you about any of this. But you will need Chase when I'm gone okay.  
I know you hate to admit it but you do _need_ him. In more ways than one.  
You've been more miserable these last few weeks then you were when Cuddy left you. He obviously has a hold over you and I don't wanna die knowing that you will be miserable and alone for the rest of your life.  
You need him, would it kill you to admit that?'' Wilson asked thoroughly, leaving House silent for a while.

''I guess not, because I have really missed him these last few weeks.  
And I don't even know why, this is all very foreign to me. To actually need someone this much,'' House admitted with his cheeks burning of shame.

He was such a little weakling.  
He didn't even know who he was suppose to be anymore.

House had never been this guy.

The guy who let his friends cry on his shoulder, the guy who needed someone in his life. A man who was pining over someone he was missing. 

House was alone, and he had always been alone.

Except for Wilson, he had always been here for him.  
_No matter what._

There was a loud banging on Wilson's door and House tried to release his friend quickly but Wilson won't give in and just held onto House.

The door opened and Chase was standing in the doorway with a file in his hands.

His blue eyes went wide when he saw House holding onto Wilson for dear life and House could tell it made him upset and slightly jealous.

So he moved away from Wilson as fast as he could.

''Uhm you paged me,'' Chase said to Wilson who nodded in compliance.

''You paged _him?''_ House asked, completely shocked.

''Yes sit down Chase, your case will have to wait a little. It's time for couples therapy,'' he grinned and Chase sat down in the chair beside to House but he avoided his gaze.

''Come on I really don't think this is the right time for this,'' House tried to argue but Wilson raised his hand and silenced House-to his own surprise.

''It may be the _only_ time. Okay you two, lets start,'' Wilson said. House could feel Chase staring at him but he ignored him stubbornly. 

House felt sick.

Everything was falling apart before his eyes. He was going to lose everything and there would be nothing that he could do about it. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there is a major character death coming up.  
> Sorry this is so short but I'm extremely tired and this was the best I could do.  
> Please review guys :-)


	4. Reality is almost always wrong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Couples therapy is a disaster and Wilson is dying quicker then everybody thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Major character death on this one.  
> There is one more chapter coming up soon, its an epilogue. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think about this one guys! :-)

_Wilson's office._

 

 

 

 

Chase was sweating profoundly. He hadn't expected Wilson to page him for something like this and he felt nervous and sick to his stomach.  
House had been avoiding him for weeks and it had hurt him more than he could ever say out loud.

Chase shuffled around in his chair and looked at the ground. After a few minutes of thick and tensed silence House started talking.

''Wilson you can't be serious. Couples therapy is for _couples_ , and since me and Chase are _not_  even a couple this is completely ridiculous. Even for you.   
We should talk about you, you are the one d-'' House stops talking when he realizes that Chase has no clue that Wilson is dying.

''He's what?'' Chase asked confused and he looked at Wilson with his sharp blue eyes.

''I have stage four pancreatic cancer Chase, I'm dying,'' Wilson announced and Chase's face fell.

Chase could not believe he was hearing this correctly, Wilson must be joking-right?  
But he could tell by the tears in House's eyes and the red puffy eyes on Wilson that it was not even close to a joke.

_Oh god, Wilson is dying on House._

Three guesses as to who had to be the one who picked up the pieces when he died?  
Chase felt numbness and shock wash over him and he didn't know what to say.

What do you say to someone who is dying?

They taught you the classes in med school and all that, but when a friend is dying, how do you react? How should you react to that?  
What was the proper response?

 _''Oh I'm-I'm so sorry to hear that how long do you have?''_ Chase choked out and he felt tears form in his eyes and he swallowed a few times to avoid showing House his weakness.

He could feel House's prying eyes burning a hole in the side of his face but he ignored him. Served him right for ignoring him for the past few weeks, he thought vindictively. 

''Yeah thanks, well probably about three months. But it could be over quicker, or it can take longer, you know how it goes with cancer.  
It's not really an exact science,'' Wilson tried to shrug casually but the tears gave him away.

''Ah I see,'' Chase stammered, unable to think of any better words to say.  
He felt a tear roll over his cheek and could feel House's hand reaching out for his own but just as it is about to reach his own, he stood up and hugged Wilson tight.

House pulled his hand back quickly and turned a little crimson. He looked at Chase as if he had smacked him in the face.

Chase no longer cared about how House felt.

This was about Wilson, he was the one that it should be about from now on.

Not about them and their screwed up bond or whatever it was that was fucking with both their heads.

''I'm so sorry about all of this, I don't even know what to say to you right now.  
This is all so fucking unfair,'' Chase panted and Wilson patted his shoulder uncomfortably and exhaled deep.

''I know, but I need you to make me a promise Chase, you hear me,'' Wilson demanded his attention and Chase already had a bad feeling about where that was going.  
He knew he had no right to deny a dying man a promise but he also knew that this promise would be about House.

Everything in Wilson's life had been about House after all. 

''Well that depends on what you want from me,'' Chase said hesitantly.

''Take care of House when I'm gone. I'm not saying you should be together or anything like that but please promise me that you will be there for him. He needs you, even when he is too proud to admit it out loud. I know he needs you and he will need you a lot more when I'm gone.  
Promise me that you _won't_ leave him by himself,'' Wilson begged and Chase felt completely trapped.

''I uh-well I'm not sure,'' he mumbled.

''Please Chase, it's really important to me,''  
Chase felt his armor cracking and before he knew it he was consenting to be House's caregiver after Wilson had died. 

Wilson was such a master manipulator, House thought.

''All right, I will do that,'' Chase vowed and Wilson smiled a little.  
''Promise me,''

 _''I promise Wilson,''_ Chase couldn't help but feel as if he  had made a deal with the devil.  
''Good that is settled then, now we can start your couples therapy,'' Wilson grinned and Chase rolled his eyes simultaneously with House.

''This is so not the time for that, your dying should be about you. Not about us!'' Chase protested and House agreed with him.

''He is right _Jimmy_ , we should talk about you,'' 

''You're just saying that to avoid talking about you and Chase,'' Wilson snapped and House grinned.

''Yes and you are avoiding dying by making this about me and Chase.  
We are all such a merry bunch of avoiders aren't we?''

Wilson smiled but suddenly turned very pale and shaky and before House or Chase could react he was falling to the floor, his eyes closed.  
House and Chase moved simultaneously and knelt down at Wilson's lifeless body.

Chase desperately tried to find a pulse in Wilson's neck but shook his head rapidly when he couldn't find it.  

House opened the door of Wilson's office and shouted,  **''Code blue!! Get a crash cart in here!''**

Two nurses rushed in with a crash cart and they start reviving Wilson with the paddles, right there on the floor of his office.

House was still sitting at Wilson's body, feeling completely numb and terrified.  
They shock him five times before the nurses look at House, their eyes filled with tears as they let go of the crash cart.

''Why are you stopping!!! Give me those! Charge to five hundred!'' House yelled and he grabbed the paddles as Chase charged the machine to five hundred.

 **''Clear!''** House screamed and he shocked Wilson's body again, and then again.

 _And again_.

''House,'' Chase whispered softly after what seemed to be a century passing by. House looked up at him, eyes drenched from the tears and he noticed that they are all alone in Wilson's office.

The nurses had left them alone.

''He is gone, you have to let him go,'' Chase said sternly and he took House's hand and kissed his cheek briefly.

''No I can't, charging to six hundred!'' he ordered but this time Chase won't move.

He just retrieved the paddles from House's trembling hands and put them back on the machine.

Then he crouched back down and wrapped his arms around House's fragile body and felt the cold lifeless hands come over his back rapidly.

 _''I can't let him go Chase, I just can't,''_ House sobbed and he buried his head into the nook of Chase's broad shoulder.

''I know, I'm so sorry,'' Chase comforted, as he kissed House's damp cheeks.

''This shouldn't happen now you know, we were suppose to have three more months. I wanted to take him to Vegas or something like that, have a nice trip.  
Say goodbye to him in a way that suited our relationship, not him dying on his office floor when he was trying to salvage this screwed up excuse for a relationship,''

House sighed heavily, unable to look at Wilson's dead body. His fingers dig their way into Chase's arms, leaving bruises without a doubt but Chase refused to cringe. 

''But House don't you see it, he died exactly according to his personality. He tried to help us out, tried to salvage whatever we have between us.  
That is how Wilson is- _well was,''_ he corrected himself.

An icy shiver went down his spine when he thought about what just happened. He had just seen a man he had liked and respected a lot die in front of his eyes. 

''Get aways from me Chase, let me say goodbye to him alone. I don't want you here right now,'' House said all of the sudden and Chase felt as though House just stabbed him through the heart.

''But I-'' he stammered but he could see that House was dead serious.

''Tell the rest of the team what happened and tell Cuddy.  
There is a lot of stuff that she needs to take care off,'' House said, eyes empty and cold. He took Wilson's cold hand into his own and raised his eyebrows when Chase hadn't moved.

''Well didn't you hear me! Go Chase, leave us alone!!'' House screamed, but Chase just stood there, tears streaming down his cheeks, unable to move, or to feel anything.

''House please-'' he begged, but House shakes his head.  
''Go- please if you ever really loved me you will leave me alone right now,'' House pleaded and finally Chase decided to obey.

He kissed House's forehead slightly and left the room.  
He almost ran to Cuddy's office, and when he got there he opened the door without knocking.

Taub and Foreman were already there, he was not sure why and he doesn't care about the reason.

''Chase what is it, you look like hell,'' Cuddy asked worried.  

She arose from her seat and walked rapidly to Chase, taking his arm into her slender hand.

''It's Wilson, he-uhm-he died a few minutes ago,'' Chase had to literally force the words out of his mouth and it was like he only now realized what had just happened. He was definitely in shock. He recognized the symptoms. 

Foreman just stared at him like he was crazy and Taub just gasped at him, blank and pale.

''Say what?'' Taub was the first one who found his voice again.

''Wilson had cancer, he never told anyone about it, but he was very sick.  
I told him to stay home from work but he refused, and now-and now,'' Cuddy cried and she embraced Chase who petted her back comforting.

''What happened Chase?'' Foreman asked, swallowing his emotion away.

''Me and House were in his office and he collapsed on the floor, _heart attack._  
We tried to revive him for a long time but he was gone. House wouldn't let him go-kept shocking him.  
But after a long time he realized it was over. Then he kicked me out to spend some alone time with Wilson's body,''

''I need to go to him,'' Cuddy said and she turned around to leave her office but Chase pulled her roughly backward by her arm.

''No, he needs to be alone right now.  
He doesn't need you anymore Cuddy, its not your job to take care of him anymore,'' 

 _It's mine._ He thought it but he knew he could never say that with Taub and Foreman there.

''But someone should be with him, he shouldn't be alone,'' Cuddy said and Chase repressed the urge to laugh.

Didn't she know him at all? Not even after all this time?  
House was made to be alone.

''I will go to him all right.  
In a while. But for now we all need to leave him alone,'' Chase said solemnly.

Cuddy just nodded, Taub looked at him with huge mesmerized eyes and Foreman's face wasn't betraying any signs of emotions.  
Just like always.

_House was right. Things didn't change._

Only now House's life had, and Chase knew it.  
How was he ever going to pull House through this?

House would hate the idea being rescued and definitely not by someone like Chase.

How was he ever going to get close to him again, losing Wilson had probably taught House that people only died on him anyway and that he was going to be alone forever.

If anything was obvious it was that House would run away from him again.

And he would run far this time, probably to some tropical island filled with whores, drugs and booze.  
Chase wasn't sure if he would ever come back this time.

He walked back to Wilson's office and found a lot of nurses and doctors cramped out in front of the locked door.

''Whats going on?'' he asked and Sheila, one of the blond nurses turns around and said, ''House has lost his mind, he refuses to give up Wilson's body, he just barricaded the door and yells at us when we knock,'' she whispered.

''Let me trough,'' Chase said and he knocked on the door.

''House it's me, let me in!''

No answer, of course not.

''I will knock this door down if you don't answer me!! And yes I can do that, my boss trained me to open locked doors all the time!'' Chase threatened and after a while a weak voice arose from behind the door.

''Get everybody away from the door Chase, then I will let you in. But only you,''

Chase could hear the tears in House's shaking voice and he swallowed hard.

''All right, give me a minute,'' he yelled back and he ordered everybody to get the hell away from the door.

''Okay they are gone, let me in,''

The door opened and House stepped back to let Chase in.  
Wilson's lifeless body was still lying on the floor but Chase could tell that House had moved him.

He was lying in a slightly different angle now, more peaceful with his hands folded onto his chest.

House was sitting next to him, still holding his hand tight and he didn't look up when Chase sat down beside them.

The problem was that Chase was unsure what he could say to him.

He was not bad with words per se but talking to the man he loved about Wilson was just-hard. And complicated beyond measures. 

The worst thing was that Chase knew that he could never live up to Wilson.

House would never love him as much as he loved Wilson, he would never need him like he needed Wilson.  
And yet despite all these things, Chase couldn't bear it to turn away from House now.

So instead, he wrapped his arm around House's shoulder and placed his forehead against House's back.

''I don't know what to say to you,'' Chase mumbled after a long silence.

''You don't have to say anything. I release you from your duties,'' House snarled, looking grim and Chase felt his heart fall.

''What do you mean?'' he asked shocked. House could not be serious about this right?

''The promise you made to Wilson, you don't have to keep it. You can just move on with your life, no harm done.  
I don't need you to take care of me,'' House said and Chase felt an iron fist clench his organs together.

''You don't mean that,'' he whispered and House looked him into his eyes and sighed.

''I do mean it, Wilson is dead so he won't be able to tell if you keep your promises or not.  
I know you believe in god and the afterlife thanks to being raised on the seminar but its not real Chase. He isn't up there floating around with the other angels, _he is just gone_.  
He won't mind if you don't keep your promise okay,'' House said but Chase could tell that he was having a hard time convincing himself of this bullshit.

''Yes he would mind, cause I made him a promise House-a promise! To never leave you behind, to take care of you.  
We both now Wilson would want me to keep that. I'm not leaving you behind. I know you will probably run away, to some far away land. But I'll find you. I promise.  
You won't stay for his funeral will you?'' Chase asked.

''Probably not, I don't do funerals. Forces me to act like a human being and all that. It's not my strong point.  
I've never even told him that I loved him,'' House suddenly choked out and Chase wrapped his arms around him tighter and pulled him in closer.

 _''He knew that House, trust me he did._ And he will forgive you for missing his funeral, he knows it's not like you to show up anyway.  
So if you wanna run then run. But I _will_ find you again.  
I'm not leaving you on your own.  
Cause making a promise may not mean anything to you but it does to me,'' Chase pledged and House cocked his head sideways and kissed Chase's cheek sadly.

''You are just full of surprises aren't you?  
But I don't wanna leave him just yet. Can I have another minute?'' he asked and Chase nodded.

''Yes of course, take all the time you need. Say your goodbye properly and then you can go,'' Chase offered and House knelt down at Wilson's lifeless body again and stroked his cheek.

''Want me to leave?'' Chase offered.

House responded by taking his hand and pulling him down.

''Please don't, just stay with me, just for now,'' he begged and Chase smiled a bit.

''Of course I will,''

House's goodbye to Wilson was beautifully, he talked for a long time about all the things they had done together, about how Wilson had always been there for him, how he always kept him out of trouble.

When he was done he kissed Wilson's forehead and Chase caught him whispering goodbye to him and that he loved him.

Then he turned around, kissed Chase to his lips and limped out of the office.

Chase knew it would be a very long time before he would see House again.

If he would ever see him again.

He kissed Wilson's cheek and left the room.

The emptiness followed with him. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Something always changes.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House is swinging in his hammock on some far away beach when he gets a visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my epilogue and it takes place about a year after Wilson has died.

_Ilha Grande, Brazil._

 

 

 

House was laying in the sun, swinging slowly back and forth in his favorite blue hammock. His eyes fluttered closed and a cool Maj tai in one hand, the bottle of Vicodin in the other.

Maybe he would stay there for another hour, two tops seeing how the sun was setting quickly. 

It has been almost a year since Wilson has died on him. Straight after it had happened, House had taken the first plane to a sunny place as quickly as he could.

He purposely ran away from everything he ever knew, he quit his job immediately, drove home on his bike and grabbed two suitcases and started packing up.

Never to return again.

He rented his apartment out to Taub, who needed it after his ex wife kicked him out and the nurse had dumped him.

He had thrown his cell phone into the ocean and locked himself off from the rest of the world.

House thought about Chase sometimes and he wondered if the Australian had tried to find him as he had promised. If he had, House hadn't made it easy for him to find him. 

He had refused to tell Taub, Foreman or Cuddy where he was going and he had changed locations regularly so that he was certain that Chase would never able to find him.

It was only for the best, he told himself. Chase would have moved on by now, found himself a nice girl to settle down with. He would have forgotten about him months ago. And House couldn't blame him for it. 

But he truly missed Chase a lot. Even more than he was willing to admit. Yes he had escaped the rest of the world by running away from it, but it got really lonely to be on these beautiful islands all by himself.

Dealing with Wilson's death had been very hard on him. If he was honest about it, House didn't really felt like he had dealt with it and deep down he knew he needed to see a therapist again. 

But instead, he had ran away from the rest of the world like a pathetic coward and never even shed another tear about Wilson since the day he had died. House reasoned that it fit the pattern of his life. He had always been extremely talented in the art of avoidance.

But now, after a year of being completely alone, he wondered if he had been wrong after all.

Perhaps not even he was meant to be alone forever. 

Someone was blocking his sun and he turned his iPod off and opened his eyes, already annoyed by whomever it was that was bothering him.  
His jaw dropped and his heart started pounding in his chest.

Robert fucking Chase was standing there in his sun.   
On his private beach, right here in Brazil.

He was wearing green shorts and a blue t-shirt and had a small suitcase standing in the sand beside him.

House just stared at him for a few moments, unable to think of anything clever to say or to react.  
So Chase decided to take the initiative.

 _''Hi House,''_ he smiled and House could only look at him completely dumbfounded.

''How in god's name did you find me?'' House choked out, his throat dry despite the drink in his hand.

''Long story, can I sit down?'' Chase asked.  

House just nodded. Chase lowered his body graciously into the hammock and House touched his shoulder briefly- _just to check if he isn't hallucinating_ \- and then he swallowed hard.

Their thighs were touching and it made House want things he had long given up about. 

Chase exhaled a bit and then he folded his arms around House's trembling body and kissed his cheek. House couldn't resist the urge to ruffle his hands through the thick, blond strains of hair and smiled. How was it possible that someone had hair this soft? It felt like satin. 

''Is it really you or am I OD-ing from the Vicodin,'' he asked.  

Chase smiled deep.  ''Well if you were, would you be able to touch me? Can you touch a hallucination?'' 

''Yes you can, I thought I had a hot night with Cuddy once, turned out it was just the Vicodin talking.  
So how can I know it's really you, how did you even find me?'' he asked curiously and he offered Chase his drink, who greedily took large sips from the straw.

''Thanks, well finding you surely wasn't easy, I'll tell you that. I've been searching for you ever since you left.  
Taub had told me the first place where you went to so I went there as well, but I arrived there too late. When I got there you had already relocated again,'' he sighed.

''But how could Taub know where I was going? I hadn't told him anything!''  

Chase smirked. ''Maybe not but he checked your e-mails when you went to the bathroom and he found out where you were going. You've trained us well. So I followed you to Puerto Rico but arrived too late, but you left a trail of bread crumbs behind for me.  
You always talked to the staff of the places where you went, so they all knew where you would go next. And so did I,''

''But why did you come back for me?'' House asked, completely confused by Chase erratic behavior.

''Because I made a promise House, to _never_ leave you behind. And I missed you so much this past year. I know I can never ever live up to Wilson, but I will love you forever. And I really think that I can make you happy, if you will let me,'' he swore.  

House felt tears bubble up in his eyes.

Violent, shattering tears that he had held back for nearly a year.  
Because he actually had missed Chase a lot, far more than he would ever like to admit.

And now he had found him, he was here with him. Chase hadn't given up on him like House had expected him to do. Perhaps he should give it a shot. 

House decided that he didn't have the will nor the power to send him away again.

It seemed so futile to push Chase away. He had clearly proven that he would go to the edge of the earth with House if he asked it of him. Chase would never walk out on him, he realized that now. 

''I'm in love with you Chase, and you don't have to live up to Wilson, I never cared for him like I care for you,'' House blurted the words out before he knew it. They seemed to erupt from some hidden part inside of him. A part he hadn't even known existed.  

Chase turned a little dark before he faced him again, taking House's hand into his own.

''Really?'' he asked and House nodded solemnly.

''Yes I do, and if you would stay with me now, I will never leave you again,''

''Well thats settled then, because I'm _not_ going anywhere, ever. I love you,'' Chase said and he finally closed the distance between them and kissed House to his lips.

House never left him again, Chase brought him back home and they pick up work were they left off.  
But it was never the same again.

Because now they were together and they were equals.

The sign on the door says: Gregory House MD and Robert Chase MD. Department of Diagnostics.

House realized that he can't always get what he wants, but if he tries sometimes he might find that he gets what he needs.

Chase gave him whatever he needed.

They were happy. House was home in Chase's arms.  

Apparently people can change.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
